In the last six months, I have endured the most devastating and richest time of my life.
I am living through metaphors and irony daily. I should have paid more attention in English Twelve so that I could figure this all out.
Irony, ironic, paradoxical.
Sitting where I am today, I know that I will never be able to ‘make sense’ of my mom’s cancer journey and death.
But I will look at the irony and beauty that has come from this beast of a year.
The irony that the hard times are when you find your deep friends, the ones that you can never repay, come be at your side, feel free to weep with on a daily basis and organize decorations from 500 kilometres away for mom’s funeral without question.
The letting go of people that just don’t get what you are going through and the deepening of friendships of those that know the profound earth shattering feeling of losing your mom.
The yanking apart of my family so that I could be at Mom’s side.
The incredible pillar of strength deep within my husband so that he could be all things for me and the boys when we needed it throughout this entire journey. Sexy Neck has a deep, deep well. What a gift he has been.
My dad, oh my dad. We were close before we went to war to help mom, but now we have an honesty and camaraderie that makes us teammates and friends.
Sweet victory.
Sad loss.
Richness.
Devastation.
Beauty.
Beast.
Life.
Death.
Light.
Darkness.
Irony.
Living in it, through it, with it, every day!
"Be" ENOUGH 
I was 42 when I lost my Dad Joanna – to cancer- altho over a longer period of time. Mum and Dad came up for that last Christmas and Dad spent hours deboning and re-inventing a turkey. He passed away in April. Our boys were teenagers. My Mum tho – I had til she was almost 95 – and tho she lived a fabulous long life – I still miss her. Not sure if that part ever truly leaves, but the memories stay and the happy times outway the sad. I know that each case is different and we all grieve differently and I am not trying to put myself in your shoes. Guess I just wanted to tell you a bit how it was for me. xo Jan
Beautiful Jan. thank you for sharing. This is a profound loss and it is nice to know I am not alone. No one, no thing, no time can replace a mom or dad.
Hug your boys!
Your mother was a beautiful lady. I lost my father a year and a half ago. Grief is a process, some days better than others, but it does get easier. Just allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and grieve when you need to.
Thank you Sara. Your words were like a beautiful balm on my tired grieving lips.