There is a sacred place in Jerusalem called the Wailing Wall or Western Wall. This wall is believed to have been part of the Temple of Solomon. Checkout 1 Kings 6 and 2 Chronicles 3 in the bible for more insight.
As I have been painting our living room wall orange, I have been pondering the Wailing Wall. This is a sacred place for Jews to go to pray and lament. My personal orange ‘wailing wall’ has been a place where I pray and lament.
⭐️ May this home be a sanctuary.
⭐️ Help me Jesus!
⭐️ Lord, be enough for me this day.
⭐️ Help me ‘understand’ why I want to stuff my mouth with food.
⭐️ Lord, be with each of my boys. Be present to them.
⭐️Help me put one foot in front of another when all I want to do is lie under my duvet.
And I lament, oh how my heart grieves so many things:
💔 Our best friends moving to Vancouver Island last March.
💔 Moving from our ‘hood’ on 29th Crescent in May.
💔 Mom starting to show she is unwell in June.
💔 Saying goodbye to friends popping over and being ‘known’.
💔 Moving to a new city and neighbourhood in July.
💔 Mom being in the hospital and beginning her journey with cancer.
💔 Starting new activities and schools for the boys in September.
💔 Riding the cancer wave with mom and dad all autumn.
💔 Mom’s final hospital and hospice time in December.
💔 Mom’s death on Boxing Day.
💔 Broken relationships are finally exposed. (My sensitive soul is actually more relieved than grieving this one!)
💔 Living each day without my mom.
💔 Watching my dad, Steve and the boys grieve.
💔 Existing in a world without my mom a phone call away, without her popping by, without her listening ear, without her presence, without her hugs.
I can survive!
I am full of gratitude for my boys!
I sit in the desert.
I rely on my blessed friends.
I look for how God will bring me out of this.
I WAIT AT THE WALL.
If you need me, you know where I will be!
The lights streams in down the lake as I sit at my parents kitchen table.
Dad eats his lunch and adds to our dialogue.
Jamie sits and writes my mom’s eulogy.
Auntie Gail is on the phone to fill in the gaps. Thank God for her great memory.
JC and CC practice memorizing their poem.
Marnie keeps the copious amounts of beautiful flowers and food organized.
Sexy Neck is gathering and testing AV equipment. He is so talented and a pillar of faith.
Me, I walk around in disbelief.
I gather photos and memorabilia that represent my mom and her life.
I add what I can, as I love having this time to talk about my beautiful mom.
I am privileged to be walking this journey with such selfless, thoughtful, caring, loving people.
My prayer is that tomorrow God’s love, peace and light will shine on us tomorrow. I pray that my mama would be proud.
See you tomorrow in person and in spirit.
And no I am not going to sing!!
I had to share another email from my great friend and wise woman, D! She has been surviving and thriving as her husband has started his new job in a new town.
If you didn’t catch her first hilarious email, here is the link: https://beenough.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/be-surviving-w…our-hubbs-away/
Before you read her email, I have to say how does she have time to write such witting things and be so self-reflective while being so busy! We are still house hunting, my husband is on holidays (thus home to help ALL day!) and I am barely keeping all four walls standing.
Here is D’s email:
well… 12 days and nights in now… here’s my tips for how to survive 3 children under 6 without a husband!!
1) practice regular desensitization to neck stiffness, headaches, and even skin pain caused from overtiredness (make sure car has carrots – the crunch can keep you awake while driving)
2) feed children toaster waffles and apple juice, not necessarily together (but each a great novelty when never or rarely before been seen!)
3) forget any intention to sweep/mop entire house and just aim for the occasional kitchen sweep
4) drop children at great friend’s place for dinner and go to yoga… the yoga high can carry you for days after!
5) don’t grocery shop. children really can survive on raisins, apples, cheese and the generous donations of friends
6) take your bike in for a tune up. just BEING in the bike shop and feeling your freshly tune ride is a high (even if you might not get a chance to ride until next month…)
7) SING. SING a lot. SING loundly. Same reverberations as screaming, but a lot more pleasant for the children.
8) it’s okay for your 15 month old to say “all done” 15 times in his highchair before you respond. this is particularly true if he woke up before 5, unless he is going to run off and play happily (this tactic can save your neck back and or legs from his 29 lb bug a lug clutches)
9) CHOCOLATE. enuf said.
10) when all goes sideways (meaning kids’ emotions and interactions going downhill), just say loudly “I THINK TODAY IS GOING TO BE AN AMAZING DAY!!” as genuinely as possible. Their shock and surprise will make them forget their lil troubles and move things forward!
and my last tip…
11) call your husband at 6 am. claim the baby wanted to talk to him. then take the opportunity (while baby enjoys pressing all the beeping buttons) to catch 40 more winks!!
Thanks for sharing again D! You are inspiring… and how you make me laugh.
D and I playing a game at her husband’s surprise party.
My dad is the best!
He really tries to help and empathizes completely with me trying to do errands with three young boys. He will stop over and say, “Do you have anything you need to get done? Why don’t you pop out for awhile and I will hangout with the boys?” I don’t even hesitate I grab my wallet and I am off to do 18 things in the next 60 minutes!
Yesterday I came home from an afternoon of marathon errand running and I found the house completely silent with 3 boys napping and perhaps even one Papa napping!
He will always just say, “I was just resting my eyes!”.
Love you Papa and Nana.
P.S. This week he even changed a few dirty diapers and cleaned up some vomit. More on that tomorrow!