Tag Archives: stuff

Boys, Family, Grief

Be Living with Memories

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Memories have been sliding down my cheeks more often these days. In the quiet moments, when the boys talk of their beloved Nana and when I witness my dad’s own tears. I still cannot make ‘sense’ of this new existence without mom. It is completely unbelievably real. The living with ONLY memories is bringing me to my knees. This is neither good nor bad, it just is.

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I have the privilege of being on the front line of receiving mom’s things as dad is ready to let them go. First it was food in the cupboard then mom’s cosmetics, then shoes, jackets and now her clothes. I readily take these beautiful things with tears in my eyes. The memories of mom wearing the clothes and seeing things she had purchased to wear this spring that I am living RIGHT NOW is very difficult to comprehend. (Two biking shirts in particular brought tears to my eyes.).

Here is batman (aka CC) pointing to the two boxes of spring clothes I have of mom’s:

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Unfolding.

Folding.

Memories.

Laying down.

Sitting in it.

Sitting with.

Memories.

As mom’s clothes sit at one end of our unfinished basement, I have been sorting through our boxes of memories at the other end on my newly painted white shelf. What does one do with old yearbooks, jerseys, trophies… Are my children going to want these things? Do I want my children to be going through them. Perhaps my work now is to make space for them to create their own memories.

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Unpacking.

Packing.

Memories.

Letting go.

Giving freedom to it.

Providing space for.

New memories.

Boys, cancer, Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Seeing God’s Hand.

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In the depth of despair, the busyness of my mind and body I carried throughout my previous days have been stripped away.

The fog that covered my eyes has been lifted, I guess anguish will do that for you.

Gently, I see God tapping me and the people around me on their shoulders, asking, “Do you see me at work?” Interesting on the first day of school, I saw a women carrying this book that I was given while my mom was in the hospital.

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Also on the first day of school, I walked into the schoolyard with our realtor who helped us buy our house as well I saw an old childhood friend, Marie.

Lovingly, I see angels surrounding my parents with love and security, protection from illness and familiar faces.

Amazingly, I sense God’s healing presence in my relationship with many people. Showing me what stuff I need to deal with in my own life and the other stuff that isn’t mine. Oh I have stuff! I need to stay out of other people’s business with God. Get out of the way so that God can do His work.

Gratefully, Jesus loves us all without comparison. We all fall short when compared to God’s glory but Jesus came to be a bridge for us all to know God’s love, forgiveness and grace.

In the depth of sadness, I see God’s hand in action touching me and those around me.

Thank you God for helping walk through my anguish.

Christianity, Construction, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Loving People, Use Things

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I used to drive by this church every day.   The quotes they put on their front billboard always fascinate me.

This quote made me want to weep.

When I first saw this sign I felt incredibly sad.  I was in a place of feeling like a discarded  “thing”.  As we are moving, certain friends have fallen away.  See this blog.

Two weeks later, I saw this quote with new eyes.  It made me want to cry tears of joy.

God had placed me with an incredible group of Christian women in a boot camp/bible study ran by our good friend “Bam” of HappyFitMe.

These women gave me hope as they shared of themselves, their healing, their love of God and their struggles.  Jesus’ loved poured out of each of them every time we were together.  The words were honest.  The actions were truthful.  They gave everything they had in our workouts at the playground, on the field, in the gym and in the pool.  It was incredible.

And now as our family moves down the lake into our new house, I have hope.

Hope that God will prosper me.  Hope that God does have a plan for my life.  Hope that the friends He will surround me with will be like these boot camp women and all the women that have walked/ran with me during this very difficult transition.  Image

Book, Boys, Christianity, Family, Flexibility

Be A Declutterer

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I read in the Four Hour Work Week that we only use twenty percent of the things that we have.  Actually Tim Ferriss has an interesting perspective on the 80 20 rule.  Check him out:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_4-Hour_Workweek

The last three weeks, I have spent decluttering and going through our stuff so that we can put our house up for sale.

Here are the results:

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These are the main “kid” areas of our house and they were overflowing with toys.  There were toys on top of shelves, stuffed into corners.  Now everything has a place to go.  We had a great morning of playing and it was amazing to see my boys putting things back into their places (without being asked)!

All this decluttering makes me thinking of the verse in Matthew 16:19 where Jesus says: “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”  

I want to hold loosely to my stuff on earth because it is only “stuff”.

It is the people in my life that truly matter.  JC running into my arms after Kindergarten with a huge smile.  CC giving me his little smirk as he tells me a joke and baby OC’s squawk as he yells from the top of the bunkbed. Sexy Necks presence as he holds us all together!

Beautiful moments.

 

P.S. Don’t ask me to show you our parents basement where alot of this “stuff” has gone.  I am thinking we should just have a garage sale instead of moving it.  Cann boys, what do you think?