Be In Grief (after one year)

You would think after the milestones of the “magic” one year mark without mom that the raw, ache feeling would float away into the abyss.

“Poof”

But apparently grief doesn’t work that way, at least for me.

I live in a world where I am surrounded by three growing boys, married to a man and trying to re-organize a new relationship with my dad in my brain.

My mom was a force:  A balancing point in my male-dominated world.

Here she is in green and black skiing a few years ago with my sister, in purple.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

My mom was the idea person.  The peacemaker.  She was the one who would help me pull the chariot, with the boys in it, when we were out cross country skiing.  Mom was full of gratitude for all the people who surrounded her. Mom was a provider of amazing food and had the best laugh!  Mom was a planner and organizer.  If you asked her to do something, you could count on her ONE HUNDRED percent of the time.

How does one move beyond this loving, vibrant relationship into NOTHINGNESS?

What does “moving on” look and feel like?

How do you just “get over it”?

You cry.

You feel really, really sad and lonely, mad and grateful, full of gratitude and overcome with grief.

And then you receive a wonderful poem from a friend and you know you, at least, aren’t alone.

Thanks Shell for sharing these words: (author unknown)

1
Do not hurry
as you walk with grief;
it does not help the journey.
Walk slowly, pausing often.
Be gentle with the one
who walks with grief.
And if it is you,
be gentle with yourself.
Swiftly forgive;
walk slowly,
pausing often.
Take time, be gentle
as you walk with grief.
2
We have come to seek you , O God;
Just as we are we come
We have come to be sought by you
Just as we are we come
We come as we are
With our anguish and pain
We come as we are,
With our anger and disappointment.
We come as we are,
In our loss and confusion
We come as we are,
With our hopes dashed
With our faith shaken
O God, who is close to the broken-hearted
Mend our hearts
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy

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